party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
