your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
