Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
