I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
