Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
