i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
