Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
