All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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