so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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