I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
People in love make me want to vomit
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
