The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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