had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
