Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
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I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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