I can tuck mytits in my pants
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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