she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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