guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
PANTIES FOUND
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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