Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.