Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.

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(978): I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/sljh

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...

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(414): you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/w2pr

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(760): View more from California

Why is your vibrator in the fridge?

(1-760): View more from California

I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.

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(760): Why is your vibrator in the fridge? (1-760): I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there. http://tfl.nu/7etk

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(310): View more from California

While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

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(310): While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating. http://tfl.nu/umg8

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(716): View more from New York

He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."

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(716): He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches." http://tfl.nu/amaz

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(940): View more from Texas

Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.

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(940): Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America. http://tfl.nu/rtd9

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(678): View more from Georgia

I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.

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(678): I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out. http://tfl.nu/nryy

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(678): View more from Georgia

Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs

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(678): Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs http://tfl.nu/z2xs

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(561): View more from Florida

If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.

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(561): If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying. http://tfl.nu/hkz1

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(602): View more from Arizona

I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.

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(602): I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now. http://tfl.nu/tbsd

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.

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(610): this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all. http://tfl.nu/9oal

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday

(1-604): View more from British Columbia

WHY AM I NOT THERE?

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(604): Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday (1-604): WHY AM I NOT THERE? http://tfl.nu/j17k

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(518): View more from New York

It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.

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(518): It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear. http://tfl.nu/ktyi

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(616): View more from Michigan

Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?

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(616): Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything? http://tfl.nu/t3z5

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.

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(609): Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum. http://tfl.nu/2wyb

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