hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself