I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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