currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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