well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
