Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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