He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
