PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We are two peas in an std pod
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
