We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
