LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
