If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
