Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
