Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
