The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
