Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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