Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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