she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
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He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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