i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
