Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
