idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
