I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
