Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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