This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
