apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Panties = found
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
