I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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