ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
