they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
