did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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