that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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