I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
