I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
