The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
