i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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