I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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