I hope mine doesn't look like that
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
