babies were throwing up all over the place
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
