Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
