Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I looked at my own cervix.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
