You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
