i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
