i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
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