I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
