So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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