let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my shit smells like andre
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
