My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
