Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize