I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
