At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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