My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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