I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
