My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
