I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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