wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
