i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
