So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
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If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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