K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
