how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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