I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize