my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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