You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
