Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
