I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
