I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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