Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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