you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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