And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I forgot how hot balto sounded
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
