how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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