we have pet lesbian snakes
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
