Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
