my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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