Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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