omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
